It was a dark and stormy night.....

Why is it that the most heart wrenching conversations with your kids never come when you are prepared for it? I was day 4 of being sick, had just coached Savannah's soccer practice in the rain, and finished the boys open house at 845 pm. Nobody has eaten and Jack and I are in the drive thru lane of Taco Bell watching a phenomenal lightning storm, waiting to order some long over due food. "Mom" he says so very softly, "I don't have any friends at school." I look over at him and his expression is so full of sadness I want to break down and cry. After all, we are now 4 weeks into school, surely he has a couple of friends. I ask him what he means, because he's a funny kid, I'm sure he has friends. "No Mom, not one friend in my classes." Apparently a girl in his strings class has been teasing him and humiliating him (to quote him) and now all the kids just stare at him and don't want to be his friend. There are so many different feelings I have about this. How can a spawn of some demonic entity be allowed to make fun of my Jack. (Okay, I know slightly overboard, but I'm mad, and sad, and I can call her names on my blog. I'm sure she's a really nice little girl, who can just be mean!) I'm gloriously happy because he hasn't punched her in the nose! And for those of you who know Jack well, he is showing some true growth here and maturity. Because 3 years ago, he would have just popped her for doing that. My heart breaks. He is such a funny, bright, smart, slightly annoying kid who is so fiercely loyal that he is probably the best friend you could ever have. I think my heart hurts more for him, because it's always him. It's him that has the battles to overcome; in health, school, friendships, everything. He has to fight so hard for everything. I can only think that there must be some great future for him, that he has to learn to fight for everything now so it comes easy for him later. It's not all sad though, there is a happy ending to this story.....forward to the next morning. We are late to school, I pull in the driveway and the boys dash off, Tristan to drop off his violin and Jack to make the long walk down the drive to the doors. I keep creeping ahead in the traffic. Coming the other way down the sidewalk is a dear friend of Tristan's, walking with another friend of his. N sticks out his fist across his friend as Jack gets near and he and Jack bump fists. No words, just knucks. And everyone goes on their way. I sit here writing that with tears in my eyes all over again. He could not possibly know how much that small gesture meant, not only to Jack, but to his mom who watched from the car in the driveway.

Has 15 Years Together Made us Weirder?

Is it really that weird to carry around a husband on a stick? I don't know, not for our family.... Since military duties take him away more often than not and we like to still feel that he is a part of our lives (especially 15th wedding anniversaries!) we tote around this dad on a stick and take pictures of us all together. I know you probably are saying, okay that's really pretty strange, but honestly it's not stranger than a lot of other things that happen in our house. *Stacy engulfing the whole entire grill on fire *having to figure out how to make our dog throw up just in case he ate poison *Jack burning Tristan with hot marshmallows *Jaesen living here for 3 years and still has trouble finding my mom's house, really? *Locking my own kids in the bathroom until they calm down *My kids who decide to cut their hair, their siblings hair, or shave various body parts, where does that come from? *The day that Jack decided to paint his toenails pink and then freaked out because it wouldn't come off. So you see, carrying a head on a stick is really not that odd. Happy Anniversary to my husband who is not here but we are carrying on and eating well without you! Love you babe.

Why so much drama in the morning?

This morning started like every other morning, me getting up and grabbing coffee. Then I moved on to wake the 12 year old and get him moving. Unfortunately, his bad attitude from the night before rolled right over to the wee hours of the morning. He is mad because I won't spot him $200 for a pair of Beats headphones. I know what you are thinking....what a horrible mother! Last night I went into uber detail about what $200 buys for this house, the list of things I continuously want and don't get, how much food costs these days and how if he had asked for them for Christmas he probably would have gotten them. I think maybe I had one glass too many of wine last night. Even Jaesen fell asleep during my 35 minute tirade. This resulted in said child pretending he was asleep or didn't know who we were. Fast forward to this morning and attitude central, luckily it was Jaesen who took him to school. At 8:00 I got the other two moving....and for whatever reason the attitude seemed to have permeate the household. Savannah got dressed and came to me with a new pair of earrings to put in her ears. First mistake: I agreed to do this before school. First one came out no problem, second one had blood on both front and back of ear that was dried. It hurt. I know it hurt, I have earrings too and that hurts. But the drama....the child laid her head on her arms on the bathroom counter, screaming and crying, "Why did I get my ears pierced? This was a horrible choice!" At this point I was screaming the same thing in my head while trying to console her and get her to stop screaming in that pitch that makes your skin crawl! So then I see that she has hair caught inside of the earring hole and I tell her I'm going to pull it out. Well that sucked! It came out with a huge blood clot attached to it and immediately started dripping blood. This only elevated the shrieking. At this point it's now 8:20 and Jack comes into the bathroom and wants to know what's with all the yelling. I give Savannah Motrin while explaining to Jack the earring dilemma to which he helpfully says, "Well you shouldn't have gotten your ears pierced!" Thank you Jack for that oh so helpful advice. We now have to leave in 15 minutes and aren't even close to being ready. I tell Savannah we need to get new ones in, clean her ears and put the one in the not ouchy side, no problem there. She wanted to try putting in the ouchy one but couldn't get it so she tells me to put it in slowly. Yeah right, I'm gonna jam it in there quick because it's going to hurt. But of course I'm nodding okay honey I'll go slow. The screaming ramps up again as I force the earring in and snap on the back. After drying those tears I get hair done, teeth brushed and even faces washed but am now ramping up my volume so we are not late for school. Fortunately they eat breakfast there...As we ran out the door to the car all I wanted to do was get into bed with a mimosa, these kind of mornings are few and far between but in hindsight they do make me laugh, which is good because otherwise I would drink at 8:30 in the morning, which so far doctors have not recommended!

All the Things for Which I am Thankful.....

I thought that I would try and list them just so I can keep perspective: 1. My 3 kids-for the most part healthy, smart and full of life. Tristan is good at pretty much everything and is our most sensitive, Jack is full of spirit, becoming that A student we always hoped he would be, incredibly athletic and compassionate with those younger than him, Savannah is so bubbly and has never met a stranger in her life. She loves to run and play and just has fun with just about anything she does. 2. My husband--that he is not deployed this year. For always supporting me in all of my new endeavors, for loving me, for thinking that I'm even more beautiful now than when we met, for finally loving Christmas almost as much as me! For his ability to start a business while still in the Navy and while I always tease him about his anal retentiveness it sure paid off in the business. 3. My job-I absolutely love being able to take care of those tiny, fragile lives and help them to grow and develop and be able to send them home. It is a miracle to watch how they progress and know that I had some small part in it all. Plus I get my baby fix! 4. For my Uncle's progress in the burn unit....it's almost been 4 weeks since the explosion and he has made huge strides...there is still progress to be made but for awhile there we weren't sure if he would make it out of the hospital, then how serious the injuries would be, now his burns are healing well and he just needs to make progress in his swallowing. 5. For the 90 years that I was able to spend with my Grandma. Her death has at times been hard to bear, but the memories that I have of her and our times together are too numerous to list. She was an amazing woman, and I miss her. 6. My black dog Bailey who we also lost this year....yes she was a dog, but for many deployments she was my sounding board, my crying partner, the one who I could hug or tell my worries too...she was always there and the hole that she filled is still very empty. But she had 10 wonderful puppies who provided love to several different families and for that I am so grateful. Cheers Bailey! 7. My parents...we haven't always agreed, or got on, but you were always there for me and I like to think now that you are proud of who I am and of what I have done. There have been tough patches and all of you have risen to the task and helped me get to the top...especially through nursing school while Jaesen was deployed! Thanks and I love you all. 8. For moving all over the place. I know my friends who have lived in one place just about their whole lives may not understand it but, I have friends all the world. My children have seen places and spoken other languages, experienced riding the Shinkansen, petting koala bears at the Australia Zoo, searched for seaglass in Saipan, eaten Spicy Crabs in Singapore, boogie boarded in Hawaii. I can safely navigate through any countries customs while toting kids and bags and loved every second of it. And back stateside I have seen places I never would have otherwise: Cliff Walk in Newport, RI, Sam Adams grave in Boston and eaten at the oldest restaurant in the US there as well. Eaten at the Hotel Del in San Diego, hung out on the beach in Florida on both coasts, camped in the Hill Country in Texas, and oddly enough, here in Nebraska have run into friends from being stationed in California, Florida, Texas, Rhode Island and Japan. I am sad that our times of moving are coming to an end, it will mean that I have to start purging every couple of years on my own! 9. For small things like a glass of wine at the end of the day, a great sunset, a good fire on a cold night, roasting marshmallows, a good book, taking a good picture, chatting with a good friend who I haven't seen in ages, playing Dance Party with my kids on the Wii, making hot cocoa with fun marshmallows for the kids, Christmas lights, watching my husband at Halloween, brushing my daughters hair, volunteering at school, cheering at my kids sporting events, our National Anthem-which just makes me feel goose bumpy, a clean house, gelato, bird watching, coloring with crayons (yes I still like to do that!) clean sheets, listening to my kids sing, cooking, choosing the perfect gift for someone, working out, music to fit my mood, watching my kids grow and learn.

And today I am 42....

As I sit here eating toast and fruit that my kids made for my breakfast I am reflecting back on the many birthdays past. If I cut it in half I distinctly remember my 21st birthday sitting in my Aunt's house in California. A lot of family singing to me while my mom gave me my pearl earrings...that one is very memorable. Or my 40th birthday here in Omaha...Jaesen took me to Mahogany, we drank Cristal (thanks to my parents), I had 40 roses perfuming my house...that was a good one too. I remember distinctly when I turned 8 or 9, not sure which, but it was when I lived in Colorado, going out to pizza with a whole crew of girls from my soccer team, little blond hair done in two braids. I have spent a lot of them while married without my husband, it seems he is cruising or deployed a lot during the month of November, but he always seems to remember that it's there. My birthday does get overshadowed often by that of Tristan's just 4 days away. I remember that year very well....we went to Dave and Buster's to play games and we rode these weird little horses as if we were in the Kentucky Derby, hoping I would go into labor....but, no. He waited until he was ready to make his appearance the night before Thanksgiving. What is it about birthdays that makes some people cringe? I love it, I love to feel special, love that my kids make me toast and arrange some fruit on a plate and come to me in their pj's and sing me their best rendition of Happy Birthday. I love that my parents all call me and sing to me too...that my husband will tuck me into bed at night and whisper happy birthday one more time to me...I think people are afraid of turning into something as they age. I am not afraid of that, I embrace it! Because if it means I am more like my Grandma (all of them!) or my mom, or because I try and be better for my kids, or I just sulk into myself to take a day for me, I am okay with all of that. Because as I have gotten older I have realized that I am beautiful, I have a good heart, I like to drink good wine, I love to surprise people, I love to bake and cook and write and have animals and dirty fingerprints on my walls and kids who drive me bananas. I love that I have lived....I've travelled the world, learned many languages, have friends around the globe, served my country, flown helicopters, taught school, become a nurse and a mother. I definitely don't cringe with the passing years, but look forward to each new year wondering what new and exciting thing may happen...and yes, bad things come too (this year being a prime example!) but I like to think that they remind me of how lucky I am, how important my family is to me and how much I have left to do. So raise your glass and let's have a big toast to birthdays, both mine and yours!!

My crazy whacky Jack!

We should have known that from the beginning that you would be our crazy one...the one to tell the funniest jokes without even meaning too, the one with the funny faces and hair, the one who would do anything to impress a girl that you truly like (yes Victoria he still talks about you all of the time, even though Japan was ages ago!), the one whose stubbornness shines through. I love that you have such an imagination, your love of dressing up is legendary...your whole pre-K year you wore one of three costumes to school, you were routinely a dinosaur, Batman or Edmund from Narnia as you played in the neighborhood. Your love of life and lack of fear give you such a spirit of adventure. Jack we love you so much. And we know that you have to work twice as hard to get some things done that take others no time or thought, but that is what makes you special. You never give up, you just keep on going. Happy 9th birthday buddy, and many more.......love, Mom (and Dad, Tristan, Savannah, Merlin and Pepper too!)

Forever Young!

Bailey....what to say about such a great companion. Bailey has been around since this Yerger family was just starting out, we were just dating when Jaesen let me pick out "his" dog. And what a choice I made. At first we weren't so sure that it was a good one, she ate window sills, shoes, door frames, drywall, a brand new sofa (our first piece of furniture we ever bought!), and ran through countless screen doors. But, she came around...she could party with the Marines in flight school and run forever on the beach. She learned to body surf and we would literally have to drag her from the water before she would drown herself. Bailey loved playing catch, she would fetch and fetch and fetch some more, never tiring, always teasing you with dropping the ball just out of your reach so she could snatch it up again and run away.. Bailey gave us ten of the most adorable puppies you could ever imagine, some are already waiting for her on the other side. That was our first foray into parenthood, taking care of ten puppies during flight school may not have been the best decision at the time, but we sure are thankful for her wonderful son, Merlin, who is going to be heartsick in the coming days. You have been a constant companion to me dear dog, when Daddy was gone on multiple deployments, sitting with me through my own pregnancies, always there. I am going to miss you so much, there aren't even words to describe the loss that I already feel in my heart. Tomorrow is going to be so hard...I know Jaesen thinks that you are his dog, but with him being gone so much, I kind of think that you are mine, we have spent more time together over the years and I know that it is time to let you go, but it is oh so hard for me. I will remember how you always went on walkabouts, just up and leave the yard. One day we found you in someone else's garage with another black lab....just laying there being friends. I will remember when you were a puppy and we were driving from TX to LA and you got into a bag of candy and had a piece of licorice stuck to your nose, you thought you were being so sly, but with the licorice on your nose and jujubees in your teeth your secret was obvious. Your love of the water, I think you could just live in a lake. How we taught you to say your name....how you love peanut butter...how you helped to raise three humans as well as 10 puppies....how you played with ferrets, and cats, and sing when the kids would play the harmonica or violin. There are too many memories...I sit here with tears streaming down my face, wondering if you know how hard this is for us, do you feel loved? Do you think you had a great life? I hope so, we certainly tried and your loss will be felt for a long time. Know this Bailey, you were a part of this family, and this family will have a hole. Love you Bailey Dog!